In Progress (and thoughts about the state of things)

First off, the painting I'm working on!

It's in that stage where you wonder what the hell you're doing because what even is this? You gotta trust the process and push through the weird stage. I worked on it a bit last night between a volunteer project and dinner. It looks like I'll have some leftover paint and rather than waste it, I'm wondering what I can create with the remnants.

I'm terribly distracted with everything, to be honest. The loss of our cat, what's going on with ICE and especially in Minnesota, the maniac in office, Iran, Greenland, and so on. There are several projects I'm working on and trying to stay organized and on top of those. I enjoy those projects and the people are great so that's a bonus. And I want to make sure I'm coming through and fulfilling my promises on everything there. Yesterday I sat down and made a list of everything just to get organized.

Last night we went to the store, which is something we generally don't do on a weeknight, but there's snow in the forecast. It won't actually snow, but people get weird when the weatherfolks mention the S word. We were nearly done at Aldi and I needed some soy milk. I saw a guy standing there pondering and I waited a few seconds to let him go ahead. He didn't and I wasn't going to wait all night, so I went for the soy milk. It was at that moment he decided to make his move - he opened the door next to where I was and when he did, it pushed me forward. Did he not feel resistance? Guess not and I didn't budge from getting what I needed. Then, immediately after he did that, he opened the door to the eggs, left that standing wide open, fulling blocking the aisle. We went and checked out and put our stuff in the car. As we were returning the cart, we saw him come out and start loading his stuff. In the fire lane. This dude had parked in the fire lane that entire time! The lot was nowhere near full but I pointed it out to my kid and said "yeah, that checks out". That level of entitlement boggles the mind.

After Aldi, we went to another store to get a couple things Aldi doesn't have and my youngest was getting dill for their bunny. I'm vigilant, especially with my kid/s with me (my oldest is bigger than I am but moms, y'all know what I'm talking about) and so I'm aware of who is around and where. This guy (not all men, but somehow always a man!) was wandering around and very close to me for no reason. In the produce section there was just us and a woman walking around with a bunch of celery, looking for produce bags, and one or two employees cleaning up for the night. Not crowded so there was no need for him to pass by so close. He passed and I glared at him. I don't know if he was up to no good or he felt my glare, but he turned around, caught my eye, and kept walking. I didn't see him again as we walked the aisles.

I have no idea what he was up to, if anything. But parents can never be too careful with their kids. I remember another time at Trader Joes when a man got a little too close to my youngest when they were 8 or so. I watched him and he moved away pretty quickly, which made me wonder what he was up to. Thankfully those incidents have been rare, but it only takes one lapse in attention with the wrong person for something bad to happen.

I wish people, especially men, were more aware of their actions and how they can be interpreted by others. They worry so much about who is using what restroom for the safety of women and children, then act like they do in public. It's the same as worrying about immigrants attacking women, then ICE shooting a woman in the face as she turns the wheel away from him. And that's after she smiled and told him she wasn't mad at him. But we should smile more, right? We should reassure men that we aren't mad at them, right? Nicole Renee Good smiled and was kind to him and he still murdered her.

We all watched that, right? The bystander video, which was horrifying enough. Then the cell phone recording from Jonathan Ross which clearly showed her aiming the vehicle away from him. Now the media is claiming he has internal injuries. From what? Murdering her in cold blood, then calling her a "fucking bitch"?

And men wonder why women choose the bear. At least the bears don't call us a "fucking bitch".

"Fucking bitch". Sounds like something to aspire to, if you ask me.

But I do miss when we all watched a video and saw the same thing. I miss shared collective reality.